Bars: Italians do it Better

One of my idle fantasies, when I’m not plotting world domination (any day now), or fuming about technology and young people (every day now), is opening a bar. Not because I have any great desire to be a small business owner, but because the kind of place in which I like to hang out just … Continue reading Bars: Italians do it Better

Fish Heads, Goose Butts, and Making Women Cry: Hempton Back in Honkers

One of my favourite moments as a slightly-taller-than-average human is walking down a supermarket aisle and seeing a little old lady reaching for a high shelf. I pull myself up to my full height, slap a reassuring smile on my dial, and make my way nonchalantly towards her. I know what’s coming. “Dear will you … Continue reading Fish Heads, Goose Butts, and Making Women Cry: Hempton Back in Honkers

Opium, noodles, and a near execution: Bangkok

As we waited at the baggage carousel, I could feel the panic rising. My pulse was racing, and no amount of delicate dabbing could prevent the beads of sweat forming on my brow. I burped quietly: cabbage. I looked around furtively, but no one was paying me any attention. Even more furtively: still nothing. Maybe … Continue reading Opium, noodles, and a near execution: Bangkok

Farm animals, a sex romp, and some un-Australian behaviour: Brisbane & Melbourne

I used to be Australian. Like, I was pretty good at it. I played cricket, I ate vegemite every morning, I made fun of Americans- I was an Aussie bloke. And above all, I knew how to act in a pub. I was more comfortable in a pub than in my own home. And the … Continue reading Farm animals, a sex romp, and some un-Australian behaviour: Brisbane & Melbourne

Rainforests, raw octopus, and vampirism: New Zealand

It’s important to stay grounded. Humble. You can’t let the high-flying jet-setting lifestyle change you. If you’re ever in Auckland and need the wind taken out of your sails, I recommend the Albion Hotel. It was reasonably priced, and as I had my first night in New Zealand to myself, well located for some food … Continue reading Rainforests, raw octopus, and vampirism: New Zealand

Stimulants, Attack Birds, and a Lovely Pie: Sydney

By my calculations, there are upwards of a metric bunch of restaurants called Bar Italia around the world. But my absolute favourite, and without doubt the only one ever I’ve been to, is Bar Italia. That place is great. It’s in the Sydney suburb of Leichhardt, which despite being named after an explorer from Prussia … Continue reading Stimulants, Attack Birds, and a Lovely Pie: Sydney

Food & Whine: NYC-Hong Kong

I’m sitting on a plane between Hong Kong and Beijing, belly full of flaccid noodles and a white wine my peerless palate informs me is the July vintage. The tour’s just begun and I’m complaining already. There are so many insults flung at the modern air traveler, I don’t know why I always focus on … Continue reading Food & Whine: NYC-Hong Kong

Little Italy, Big Fish,and Skank in a Chinese Brothel: Sydney, Week 1

Note: the word "now" in the first sentence refers to a time about two weeks ago. Pretend I posted this then, and you're just reading it now. I know, you've been busy... I’m writing to you now (that was it) on a Cathay Pacific flight from Hong Kong to New York. They’ve got a good … Continue reading Little Italy, Big Fish,and Skank in a Chinese Brothel: Sydney, Week 1