Tag: DIY Musician

Germany, part 2: The Wurst Is Yet To Come

As I recall, you left me in a Munich beer garden, making short work of a litre of beer and a head-sized hunk of roast pork. Well, eventually I was carried to a car where I spent an hour, like a cat with butter on its paws, licking the grease from my face. And by … Continue reading Germany, part 2: The Wurst Is Yet To Come

Germany, part 1: Both Kinds Of Munich

In the gloom of a carpark near Munich’s central station, I held my breath and peered into the shadows. To my right, closer than I’d expected, I heard the metallic click of a cigarette lighter. In the sudden flare appeared the pallid, theatrically downcast face of my German contact. Through a cloud of smoke, he … Continue reading Germany, part 1: Both Kinds Of Munich

Fighting Vainly The Old Ennui…

At the window of my suite in the Citadines hotel, I yawned and looked out across the square at clutches of elderly Parisians huddling in fear as gangs of shouting, spitting teenagers slouched by. They call it a suite because in a sort of alcove off the bedroom there’s a sink with a hotplate next … Continue reading Fighting Vainly The Old Ennui…

A Series of Minor Inconveniences: Paris-Rome-Potenza

“Dear passenger, this is to inform you that your flight with us tomorrow has been canceled. Thanks for your understanding. –The Alitalia team.” The email reached me during a break on my last gig in Paris. A warm Wednesday evening, I was standing outside the club, absorbing as many of the sights and smells as I … Continue reading A Series of Minor Inconveniences: Paris-Rome-Potenza

Pass the Lube; it’s Jazz Time

Apologies for that grinding, squealing noise– it’s just the agonised turning of my rusting gears, protesting after more than a year of neglect. It’s worse than just lack of practice, it’s a soul-deep inertia, my limited life skills desperately longing to remain at rest. But the giant seems to be awakening– I think that explains … Continue reading Pass the Lube; it’s Jazz Time

Coarse Language, Adult Themes, and some Boning

There’s something very satisfying abut Italian swearing. It’s all so percussive and hissing; all those “k” and “ts” sounds. Fluency in obscenities is a skill I respect greatly, and the Italians have it down to an art: the drawn-out vowel sounds, the spitting consonants, combined with flaming eyes and wildly disproportionate gesticulations. It was a … Continue reading Coarse Language, Adult Themes, and some Boning

Fish Heads, Goose Butts, and Making Women Cry: Hempton Back in Honkers

One of my favourite moments as a slightly-taller-than-average human is walking down a supermarket aisle and seeing a little old lady reaching for a high shelf. I pull myself up to my full height, slap a reassuring smile on my dial, and make my way nonchalantly towards her. I know what’s coming. “Dear will you … Continue reading Fish Heads, Goose Butts, and Making Women Cry: Hempton Back in Honkers

Opium, noodles, and a near execution: Bangkok

As we waited at the baggage carousel, I could feel the panic rising. My pulse was racing, and no amount of delicate dabbing could prevent the beads of sweat forming on my brow. I burped quietly: cabbage. I looked around furtively, but no one was paying me any attention. Even more furtively: still nothing. Maybe … Continue reading Opium, noodles, and a near execution: Bangkok

Farm animals, a sex romp, and some un-Australian behaviour: Brisbane & Melbourne

I used to be Australian. Like, I was pretty good at it. I played cricket, I ate vegemite every morning, I made fun of Americans- I was an Aussie bloke. And above all, I knew how to act in a pub. I was more comfortable in a pub than in my own home. And the … Continue reading Farm animals, a sex romp, and some un-Australian behaviour: Brisbane & Melbourne

Rainforests, raw octopus, and vampirism: New Zealand

It’s important to stay grounded. Humble. You can’t let the high-flying jet-setting lifestyle change you. If you’re ever in Auckland and need the wind taken out of your sails, I recommend the Albion Hotel. It was reasonably priced, and as I had my first night in New Zealand to myself, well located for some food … Continue reading Rainforests, raw octopus, and vampirism: New Zealand