Tag: Food

Germany, part 2: The Wurst Is Yet To Come

As I recall, you left me in a Munich beer garden, making short work of a litre of beer and a head-sized hunk of roast pork. Well, eventually I was carried to a car where I spent an hour, like a cat with butter on its paws, licking the grease from my face. And by … Continue reading Germany, part 2: The Wurst Is Yet To Come

Germany, part 1: Both Kinds Of Munich

In the gloom of a carpark near Munich’s central station, I held my breath and peered into the shadows. To my right, closer than I’d expected, I heard the metallic click of a cigarette lighter. In the sudden flare appeared the pallid, theatrically downcast face of my German contact. Through a cloud of smoke, he … Continue reading Germany, part 1: Both Kinds Of Munich

A Page from the Jetlag Diary: Milan

I love a late night flight. There’s a calm over the terminal– by 10pm the good folk are getting sleepy. None of that frantic energy of the morning, people slugging coffee, jittering, talking too loudly. At the overlit sports bar, conversation is muted; I can read my book and enjoy the cocktail that will help … Continue reading A Page from the Jetlag Diary: Milan

The Vancouver The Guidebooks WON’T Tell You About!

Maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Sitting in a driveway, waiting for a bag to arrive. This is my day. Deep, deep in the suburbs of Vancouver, on a tidy treelined street, quiet and motionless in the mid afternoon, smell of cut grass, gas stains on the cement; skies are dismal, occasional weak sunshine peers … Continue reading The Vancouver The Guidebooks WON’T Tell You About!

Oysters On The Edge Of Infinity

Stepping off the afternoon train in Bayonne I was swallowed by damp. A fine wet mist hung in the air, softening edges; it smelled of salt and mystery. I dragged my bag noisily through the pretty cobbled streets, stopping to take a breath on the Pont Saint-Esprit. I leaned on the parapet and watched the … Continue reading Oysters On The Edge Of Infinity

Fighting Vainly The Old Ennui…

At the window of my suite in the Citadines hotel, I yawned and looked out across the square at clutches of elderly Parisians huddling in fear as gangs of shouting, spitting teenagers slouched by. They call it a suite because in a sort of alcove off the bedroom there’s a sink with a hotplate next … Continue reading Fighting Vainly The Old Ennui…

Will Someone Please Explain Florida to Me?

I’m the problem. It’s me. Florida is fine– they know what they’re doing, lumbering around blinding freeways in their hulking SUVs, eating their fried fish fillets, painting stuff beige, keepin’ it familiar. It’s just that I don’t get it. I try, really I do. I went down there with the best intentions, eager to spend … Continue reading Will Someone Please Explain Florida to Me?

Back to the Beach

I’m about to board a plane for the first time in 14 months and jet down to sunny Florida. Like drug-induced hallucinogenic paranoia, it’s a state I haven’t been in for 25 years, and one I have mixed feelings about revisiting. Working the Caribbean as a lowly musician aboard monstrous American cruise ships, the town … Continue reading Back to the Beach

It’s Puddin’ Time

As much as you think you won’t like it, because it’s chock full of gross dried fruit, held together with beef fat, and has been sitting in a corner unrefrigerated for six weeks, Christmas pudding is an objectively wondrous thing, and you will love it. And you will ask for more.

Reality: A Survival Guide

A crack appears, the sky darkens, and then a crumbling spewing fetid chasm opens up before you; the screams and moans of lost souls escape from its depths. What you have here is reality, and haven’t I warned you about messing with that?